today, the news of a passing on of a junior was travelling throughout the school canteen. initially, the impact wasnt that hard. but upon realising that bruno and J were both pretty close to him, and seeing how they were that affected by the news and the worry and confusion written on their faces before they walked into the exam hall for the econs paper somehow seemed to affect me too.

and to hear some people being insensitive about the situation
like "oh i wish i could say i knew him too so i could skip common tests"
was at worst infuriating and at best, annoying.

the dilemma spelled out on boon's face as he asked me if he should still sit for the paper left me loss for the words at the moment but slowly my mind processed the best advice i could give as a friend.

i tried to imagine how i would feel if a close friend of mine unfortunately (choi choi choi, touchwood pls) passed on and the dread and loss i would feel. but this being just a hypothesis, i would never be able to put myself truly in the shoes of thaddeus's family and friends and all i can do is offer my condolences and consolation to those who knew him and were touched by him.

talking about it at the dinner table with my dad and sis really brought the truth to sink into deeper realisation.
i grabbed the nearest newspaper and scanned through, observing the picture of him and trying to recall if i had ever seen this junior around school. after reading the article, tears just sprung to my eyes. the hurt and devastation felt by his family just seemed to be seeping through the words on the paper, i didnt know what to do but to leave the dinner table and stay in my room alone.
and i cried, casting away the damned chemistry notes just to lap up this pain and harshness that i never thought would happen so close to me.
thought about the fleet of life and the shortlivedness of everything just made me think about the things and people i let slip by.

whats yours, will be yours.
i used to use this cliche quote to console myself that the outcome cant be controlled by myself anyways. but in fact, ive been the one preventing the outcome from coming true subconsciously. but now i say no, as zhao said, everyone should fight for their happiness and do something about it (or the mistake) and though the situation hasnt improved much, i can safely say i tried.

J and bruno, hope you guys are taking it easy alrights! takecares.

and yes, i really hope Heaven is a better place for him.